writethis

a little story about jail

jessie electric

so pre-jail experience, everyone i ran into...i asked about what they

had heard about jail. i had many people tell me that "county jail" was nothing to worry about. i also had people tell me that they had "ping pong". i also heard that "you can read" and that "noone will fuck with me" and they serve only "cheese or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches". well, all of that was untrue.

i arrived at the Fairfax County Adult Detention Center at approximately 5pm Thursday evening. i was there, waiting with about 2 other women and 3 men who were also "turning themselves in", as ordered by a judge, for their respective traffic-related charges. the men and women were separated, of course, and i had my "mug shot" taken (now done by a DIGITAL CAMERA due to modern technology) and was sent down a hall to have any jewelry or belongings put into a paper bag. after taking my bra (which had an underwire in it) and my tank top (since i had a light jacket on and you can ONLY have one top on), the female deputy patted me down. and let me tell you, this nasty fucking woman definitely seemed like she was enjoying the "pat-downs" just a wee bit too much. had the boobs grabbed, the crotch searched for any items that could be snuck

into a cell.

so, after that, i was placed in a holding cell with about 8 other women.

in the holding cell, there was a concrete bench around the perimeter, a toilet in the corner, and a tv. most of the women in there had been caught while driving while intoxicated--which is a sad statement on society..but whatever...

so, yes, after being in there about 5 hours, i had gotten sick of watching

all the lame movies on Lifetime, so i decided to stand on the bench so i could reach up and change the channel. mid channel-change, one of the guards walks by and sees me and starts screaming. i didnt jump down immediately, so she rushes into the holding cell and yells some more and turns the tv off.

she walks out after that and this very entertaining, still drunk woman who had been brought in about an hour earlier, decided it would be funny to turn the tv back on. so, she did. of course the guard walks by 10 minutes later, sees the tv on, and rushes back in. she accused me of executing the deed, and starts yelling at me.

i said, "it was NOT me who did that." she said, "actually, it WAS."

me--"actually it wasn't...." she cut me off right there and told me to "shut my damn mouth" and was shutting the holding cell door while saying it. i stupidly responded with, "you should shut YOURS."

at that point, she whips out her keys again, marches in with two male guards, and yanks me off the concrete bench. they basically started to violently pull me down the hall to a solitary cell, even though i was totally cooperating and walking. the bruises on my arm prove their violent behaviour.

so, anyhow---the female guard pulled the mattress off the concrete slab and threw me in there. the solitary cell was about the size of a closet. maybe a bit bigger.

with a concrete slab and a very small stainless steel toilet with a sink attached to it. the walls were yellow concrete and a light that stayed on constantly. the only window was in the door and was very tiny. the wall near the toilet was covered in dried-on explosive diarrhea that some thoughtful previous inmate had left as a testament to their stay.

so, i was in this room, for two days (since the first part of my stay was

in the holding cell), with no mattress, no blanket...no room to walk....

i couldnt sleep because the concrete was bruising my ass and the cell was seriously freezing. i was able to fall asleep briefly when i figured out that i could stop up the sink with toilet paper---i would clog it and then fill it

with super hot water and just sit on the concrete slab, with my arms in the

water, and then rest my head on my arms. i passed out for a bit that way,

until the water got cold.

i only ate once during my stay--

breakfast is at 4:30am (two bologna sandwiches with a milk)

lunch is 11am (the same, with an orange--okay, i ate twice, if you include the orange as a meal) dinner is 5pm (the same again----all in brown paper lunch sacks, which are thrown at you through a slot in the door).

i got to eat once when they actually put CHEESE in with the bologna

as a special treat...i peeled the bologna off and ate the cheese sandwiches, which were basically frozen and still reeking of nasty bologna----which is completely rancid to any vegetarian.

to sum up----i didn't really eat, didn't sleep, got bruised up by guards, and

even got into a yelling match with another inmate. the two girls across from me were yelling because the one psychotically accused the other of "looking out her cell" while she dialed the phone (which is wheeled up to your door on a cart) to call her boyfriend. she kept accusing this girl next to her of memorizing her boyfriend's phone number and calling him. so i got sick of hearing it, and i said, "hey, not to take THIS girl's side, but i REALLY don't think she saw you dial his number. that's seriously reallllllly paranoid."

after that, she said that i was so "digustingly pale", that i "looked like

a cancer patient and a ghost".....haha.....she went on and on and on...

and i just kinda stood there with a smirk on my face, nodding and kinda

laughing...and i responded with the very simple--"really? ah well. all i have

to say is....NICE MOUSTACHE."

that pretty much shut her down. she seriously looked like she was going to cry. she got all upset and said that they won't "let her have tweezers

in her cell" (yeah, big shocker there---no tweezers in jail) and she asked

me what i do to "get rid of mine." i told her that i do NOT grow

hair above my lip at all. she answered with, "OH. ......well......you're lucky."

that ended THAT.

the girl next to HER was this rich, whiny princess of a girl who bitched

and screamed and yelled the entire time. at one point, she even DEMANDED that they prove to her that there was fluoride in the water there---since she doesn't want her "teeth ruined". hahaha. she bitched that she wasn't allowed to leave her cell to "socialize"---because "even her puppy has social time when he has his puppy play dates" she schedules for him. this girl was apparently arrested for taking a car out july 1st, for a test drive, and not returning it..and then ending up in a police chase. the girl was seriously insane. at one point, she tied toilet paper around her head, rambo-headband style and started screaming that she was "She-Ra Princess of Power" and then asked all the crackhead women if they knew who She-Ra was.

as crazy as this chick was, i was honestly thankful she was there because the time would've gone even slower.

i was released from jail at 12:01am, sunday morning---one minute after midnight... and my punk rock points have permanently been increased by like a million.

and NO---i did NOT "drop the soap", in case you're wondering. there was no soap. in fact, there were no showers! i stunk so bad, post-release, that my friend thomas had to roll the window down just to endure the ride home. haha.

but, i am all cleaned up and ready for whatever the next fucked up adventure that i'm sure will soon find its way into my life......