My, I have never seen so many misguided deviants gather in one place at one time. I am surprised to see such comments at all, for to hear your words as they speak upon this page is an insult to every writer who has ever cast pen to paper. I would go into a long overdrawn speech upon the foundation of poetry and the principles as they have come to be known today, however it would be wasting precious bandwidth upon a mass of uneducated and unworthy hacks, who shall never write anything that is worth more than fire kindle. I am afraid that my misconception of this actually being a home for poetry and writers was well founded. Instead of the moderate quality of literature and authors I expected to find, I am met with "Kiddies Corner" and a room of inbreed, backwoods, heathens. I must say, your jealousy at reading a true piece of poetry, in retrospect to the waste of space that resides within your apparent cavernous heads, is very disheartening. Shall I say that I would never dream of placing a piece of work here, nor since I am a publisher of novels, and poetry would I consider any of you for true publication. I suggest you prepare yourselves for failure within a market of literature, if you can so disregardedly flam bake this fine work than your aspect of the field is far removed from that of reality. Good Day and Good Night. Though both should be well known to you all, as your lives are most likely as empty as the words in which you typed above my own.
I've received word that Dark Glasses has already meted justice but
Let us examine this. This could be the opportune moment to absorb a lesson from a superior artisan. Before I investigate too deep I would like to point out, to underscore the perceptive genius of the author, that this was written by someone who joined the very same day that he/she was eliminated by an insecure and borderline personality, Dark Glasses (BLAM). And in one perfect posting he encapsulated this community, indeed an entire philosophy, in an extraordinarily concise evaluation. Okay, maybe not so concise. But if not, it was because the author cared deeply and was willing to give of himself in order to help us all become better.
You see here immediately in the first sentence
"My, I have never seen so many misguided deviants gather in one place at one time."
the perfect use of hyperbole. But this was no thoughtless exaggeration. No. This was a masterstroke of ironic hyperbole that he must have known was going to go over the heads of his audience but it still was employed to its farthest extension and planted for when the world finally catches up. Now let us move to sentence two.
"I am surprised to see such comments at all, for to hear your words as they speak upon this page is an insult to every writer who has ever cast pen to paper."
I want everyone to read this over and over and to memorise this line. "I am surprised to see such comments at all, for to hear your words as they speak upon this page is an insult to every writer who has ever cast pen to paper." Wow. "To hear your words as they speak upon this page" gives me chills. Does it do the same for you? "...is an insult to every writer who has ever cast pen to paper." Do you notice how he uses the word "cast" here? In lesser hands this would be overwrought and to be almost a parody of itself. Not in this authors hands.
"I would go into a long overdrawn speech upon the foundation of poetry and the principles as they have come to be known today, however it would be wasting precious bandwidth upon a mass of uneducated and unworthy hacks, who shall never write anything that is worth more than fire kindle."
You almost have to break this long, almost too incredible for human hands, sentence into parts to fully feel its impact. The thought that this author might "go into a long overdrawn speech" is of course the folly of the unaware. Never could the author be imagined in such a predicament. "...however it would be wasting precious bandwidth upon a mass of uneducated and unworthy hacks..." Notice that the author/publisher has waited until this very moment to strike with this fatal stroke. "upon a mass (a mass mind you) of etc etc." Only a master wordsmith could ever hope to use this adjective in such an exquisite way. Or is it a noun? I don't know. But maybe someday if I can become anywhere near as ejucated and as worthy a hack as the author... I don't know how to finish that sentence because my imagination just cannot travel that distance. "...who shall never write anything that is worth more than fire kindle." Even while having already delivered the fatal thrust we are left disembowled by what has now proven to be even comedic genius. Does this author have NO limitations? It's almost imponderable.
"I am afraid that my misconception of this actually being a home for poetry and writers was well founded."
A misconception was well founded. I could never in all my life hope to have well founded misconception. I'm at a loss to approach his highness without invitation.
"Instead of the moderate quality of literature and authors I expected to find, I am met with "Kiddies Corner" and a room of inbreed, backwoods, heathens."
Oh the knife. The knife. The knife. It twists. It twists and, my Dear Mortimer, I am wounded again and again and again.
"Shall I say that I would never dream of placing a piece of work here, nor since I am a publisher of novels, and poetry would I consider any of you for true publication."
I am sure we are all very saddened by the first clause and marvel at the authors discipline to wait this long into his piece and into this sentence's second clause to inform us all WHO we have been reading and the awe... I can feel it still as I sit here hours later in my disappointment knowing that I will never be graced by the NightMask Publishing company of Great Literaturality.
I'm sorry. I can't go on. It's just too much. Too, too much. I would like to but I can't. Oh God, why has thou forsaken me so?
Message 5 of 40 in Discussion
From: Hikmet Sent: 4/20/2002 1:58 AM
With its air of superiority and superciliousness this is all in all an excellent addition to the "You're all talentless cunts and I'm not" literature.
Message 7 of 40 in Discussion
From: not piliko Sent: 4/20/2002 12:23 PM
coming soon: my critique on this critique of a critique.
Message 9 of 40 in Discussion
From: not piliko Sent: 4/20/2002 12:24 PM
critique
Message 10 of 40 in Discussion
From: not piliko Sent: 4/20/2002 12:26 PM
pretentious jargon?
Message 13 of 40 in Discussion
From: Nashville Rambler Sent: 4/20/2002 3:17 PM
I wonder why he even bothered to post at all.
Message 15 of 40 in Discussion
From: DaeDreamer Sent: 4/21/2002 8:52 AM
my boyfriend thinks you're a loser, loser.
but what he thinks is irrelevant.
that's why he's not allowed near the computer.
Message 11 of 40 in Discussion
From: not piliko Sent: 4/20/2002 12:26 PM
bad rap music?
Message 12 of 40 in Discussion
From: pétal Sent: 4/20/2002 1:51 PM
disregardedly flam bake this fine work
Message 17 of 40 in Discussion
From: shezus zucchini Sent: 4/22/2002 2:17 PM
i prefer cabbage soup without the camaembert, thank you very much
Message 18 of 40 in Discussion
From: shezus zucchini Sent: 4/22/2002 2:22 PM
but if you include a slice of briee with some nice poppyseed crackers, that would complete my meale
Message 19 of 40 in Discussion
From: mira-on-a-mission Sent: 4/22/2002 2:26 PM
I thought this critique...
Message 20 of 40 in Discussion
From: shezus zucchini Sent: 4/22/2002 2:28 PM
this was a critique? oh my. i thought this was "dine this". i'm so embarrassed
Message 21 of 40 in Discussion
From: chi chi Sent: 4/22/2002 2:30 PM
your comments are stupid.
Message 22 of 40 in Discussion
From: shezus zucchini Sent: 4/22/2002 2:34 PM
but i revel in stupidity. i'm a kid in a sandbox and i won't share the shovel. so there. phhhhht!
now i'm going to read someone really talented like rod mccuen
Message 23 of 40 in Discussion
From: chi chi Sent: 4/22/2002 2:36 PM
are you sure you are not your kid brother?
Message 24 of 40 in Discussion
From: shezus zucchini Sent: 4/22/2002 2:43 PM
i dunno about that.
but my dad always said i was my own worst enemy
i leave you with this quote:
Oh, let me be the one who lies
Against your side for always and
Inside your size, inside your sighs
To do whatever you command
And see but what you'd have me see.
I am your bread, partake of me.
~Rod McCuen
Message 28 of 40 in Discussion
From: blocky Sent: 4/30/2002 10:39 PM
This critique ultimately fails to live up to the outraged arrogance of the original post.
The obsiquious humility is apparant, but the sheer flagrant confidence of Nightmask and the irony of that screenname still overpowers the critique. Just slightly, though.
Message 37 of 40 in Discussion
From: Heirun Sent: 10/3/2002 1:35 PM
in the era of McCarthy the first, I had a friend who used to write harsh and fine at the
The tongue inserted firmly in cheek of the critique far outweighs the bombastic foot in mouth of Nightmask. Thumbs up. Definitely required reading. This piece should be used to explain irony, rather than Alanis Morrisette's music.
